​At the start of every new year, my roommate Elisa chooses a word. One, simple word that speaks to her; that represents who she is now as well as all that she hopes to become in the following year. She makes a bracelet with this word so she can be reminded daily of her intention.
 
This year, I decided to choose my own word. My word of 2019 is:
 
Gratitude  noun

1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

 
I feel grateful right now. I feel grateful for:

• My friends and my family.
• Books and science.
• Curiosity and creativity.
• & My health.

 
I want to maintain this gratitude, and I want to grow it. I want to manifest gratitude where I usually feel anxiety. I want to be grateful for:

• Having too much to do.
• Late nights.
• Tough exams.
• Challenge.
• Failure. & Success.

 
After all, in the words of Kurt Vonnegut:
“The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.”
 
What remains, then, is to be grateful for every moment of the life we are given.

What do I want from this semester?

Coming back from a long break makes a semester feel really daunting. It's easy to get overwhelmed, and it can be hard to keep your focus on your own growth, and on the fact that you don't have every single assignment due tomorrow. There's a lot of information to process, and it kind of overwhelms me at the beginning of every semester. So I make a list; 'What do I want to accomplish this semester?', 'What habits do I want to start or maintain?', 'What grade do I want in my classes?', 'What do I need for medical stuff?'

The list starts to get super long. I start to get stressed, because there's so much to do, and so little time, and I should really start everything now...

Breathe in. Breathe out. I have until May to work on these things. It's only day one, and there are so many more days to do everything I want to. It's okay if not everything is done. So I take the list, and I look at it again, closely. What needs to get done today? Two things. I do the two things. I take the list, and I give stuff dates, so that when I look at the list, it isn't just a cluttered mess of EVERYTHING that needs to get done, but rather a timeline for my own benefit. Do these other things need to get done, or are they just stuff I should probably do when it feels right? What things on this list will make me feel happy, or re-energized, or fulfilled? I make sure to do those things. After all, I can't just do schoolwork and nothing else, I know that aggravates my anxiety, and worsens my depression.

My biggest intention is to become a better version of myself. I want to be better than I am. That means a lot of things, and can be achieved in a number of ways.

I want to be a better student, so I register for less classes, so that I can devote more energy to the fewer subjects.
I want to be a better artist, so I buy my ASUNM craft studio membership, and transport my art supplies from my parent's house.
I want to be a better friend, so I find time to meet my friends for dinner, and talk with them.
I want to be a better boyfriend, so I spend time with my boyfriend, just making sure he knows just how loved he is.
I want to feel better about my body, so I update my doctor, and start looking into medical transitioning, and top surgery.

​I want to be better. So I make the list, of everything I think will make me a better person; and at first it's overwhelming, cause there's so much change to do, so much time to invest. But I take the list, and I do it. And maybe it takes more than one semester to do all the things I want, but I try to make everything an improvement.

As the new semester begins, I quickly can feel a panic surge over me. Homework, deadlines, exams, and quizzes, and that doesn't even scratch the surface of working during the semester and extra-curricular activities. Yet, despite this restless panic, I also feel an electrifying excitement for life as I set my intentions and goals for the New Year and spring semester.
 
My 10 Intentions for the New Year and Spring Semester: 

1. I intend to keep myself intellectually stimulated, not just try to make good grades. 
2. I intend to allow myself to be creative and take the time out of my busy week to paint. 
3. I intend to stay active. Whether this be yoga, a dance class, or a hike, I intend to take care of my health this semester. 
4. I intend to start taking steps in creating the opportunity of travel. I intend to do this by saving money this semester and look into studying abroad. 
5. I intend to live every day in every single situation as my most authentic self, flaws and all. 
6. I intend to give myself permission to be flawed, make mistakes, and forgive myself and grow from them.  
7. I intend to dream further than I have ever before, and free myself of all mental limitations and social pressures.
8. I intend to focus on the spirit of generosity. 
9. I intend on taking every and any opportunity to dance. Weddings, concerts, or just a quick jam sesh with my headphones on, you name it, I will be dancing. 
10. I intend on spending less time on my phone and using that time to read and expand my mind and understanding of the world. 

Last semester, I was really lazy and generally unmotivated, which in turn led to me caring less and less about my classes and started accepting mediocrity as the norm. Right after my last final, I was glad it was all over since I was so burnt out, but upon some reflection, I felt like I cheated myself out of a better semester due to my own laziness and ultimately unsatisfied.
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Over break, I had a lot of time to breathe and spend my time doing the things I like, which included catching up with My Hero Academia! This in particular inspired me to work harder and reminded me to keep aiming for my goals no matter how hard it gets! 
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​This semester, I intend to...

• Stay inspired throughout the semester by remembering my original motivation of why I chose chemical engineering! 
• Become a better student! A really specific goal I have is to conquer a tough class I decided to take- MATH 312 aka Applied PDE’s (if anyone has tips, send them my way pls).
• Be on time to my classes. 
• Take better care of myself. Maybe take a little more time for myself, since I definitely had the habit of missing out on the essentials (sleeping/eating/relaxing), which is probably why I felt so burnt out last semester.

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Anyhoo, hopefully everyone starts this semester off in the best of ways- work hard and go beyond! Plus Ultra!!